In small groups, one has the chance to be a participant without feeling like he or she is taking time away from someone else who wanted to participate.  This is why I like small groups.  I can participate and not feel guilty about it. This is also why I enjoy teaching small groups, because it is more natural for the students to be engaged in the learning process.

When I was really young, I enjoyed raising my hand and having the teacher call my name to answer her questions.  Then, I began to realize that she no longer called on me because I had answered enough questions.  I remember conciously thinking that I had talked too much.  From then on out, all the way through middle school, I would not raise my hand to participate unless absolutely no one else was trying to answer the question. I got into this habit and began to justify it in high school and college. I had become very used to not verbally participating in class, but just sitting back and watching.  I decided, if I knew the answer, then I should let other people try to answer the question.  If I didn't know the answer and wanted to guess, well, then I might be wrong and didn't want to embarass myself.  And anyway, I'd find out the answer soon enough.  There was no need for me to be wrong out loud.

It's funny to think about now - this process that I went through.  It affected me in so many ways. I seemed very shy, but I had really just decided not to participate verbally.  Teachers still liked me.  I was good, in a good place, and I still recieved high grades.  Why did I need to change?

Then came small groups. It began in youth group, this small group idea.  I had only two or three other students in my group with me and we all had chances to participate!  This was great.  I began to realize how much I enjoyed being a part of a discussion.  Small groups were the answer.  Even now, I prefer to have a one on one conversation because I know that I can keep the attention of the listener.  If I am in a large group, I am easily overpowered and don't feel motivated to participate. 

Now, I am involved with a small group, Life Group, at Chaengwattana Community Church in Nichada Thani, Bangkok. It's great!!  There are about 15 of us in the group, so it's a large, small group. However, I can answer questions and know that I am not stealing time from someone else. Sitting in a service at church, listening to a sermon is not an ideal time to have a conversation or discussion about the topic on which the sermon is being preached. In this small group, there is fellowship and theological discussion that relates to real life.  We can share examples with one another that are relevant.  What's great about a Life Group internationally is that God doesn't send boring people overseas - so there isn't any boring conversation in the group.  Everyone is interesting. I don't mean that to say that everyone else is boring - they aren't!  However, there's a special breed of people that God sends overseas - strong personalities that have to be able to endure quite a bit of stress.

I would say that I am among the weakest of the strong personalities represented in the communities of which I am a part. I have a hard time with changes that affect me personally and I'd rather not add any more responsibilities to my plate.   I say no to things because I have to keep a balance.  Another reason I am weaker is because I become very distraught over separation. I don't like groups to be divided; I like community.

Just wanted to blog about life and stuff, so here it is. :)

It's what I'm thinking right now - what I am happy about. Hope you didn't fall asleep.

Currently Worth It All By Rita Springer see related

Forever is an undetermined time

I don't even know when my last blog was written.  The year 2008 was a busy year, stressful second-half and a rewarding start to 2009. 

I'm still in Thailand and am planning on being here for a while.  I've signed a 2-year contract with the school and hope not to break it, but I will be saddened if next year isn't like this year.  It's been a pretty great year so far. Yeah, there have been some sucky times, but life is life, right?

The longer I am here, the more detached I become from "home" but the more I treasure the times when I can go home.  My best friends are moving on in life, and I tend to feel like I am falling behind - then I remember where I am and what I am doing and am encouraged that my life isn't a waste, isn't at a stand still. But seriously, it's hard to be single sometimes, it's great to be single sometimes.  It can be hard to see close friends move on, and it can be fulfilling to see their lives take some great leaps.

In life, there are many things that are important, many priorities that must be held high. One is God.  In all honesty, I fail at keeping God a priority in each of my days and in my life overall. I am so self-centered and want to make life all about me and what I want to do, how I want to feel, and then I get frustrated when it all gets messed up - seems pretty obvious as to what I should be doing, huh?

Then, teaching is a priority, my students are a priority - doing everything in my capability to make their education effective for them each and every day.  With some, this is easier than with others. I struggle with endurance with some of the students.  I teach a lot of students who are in my class because they don't catch on to material quickly.  Therefore, it takes us a really long time to know the sounds of letters and how to put a sentence together. One student has been trying to read for years and has made a little progress, but still has a very difficult time.  This is something I can't understand, but I need to try, research, and continue to work patiently with him until he can read at his level, or close to it.
Friends are a priority because relationships and people are the meat of life!  They provide support and structure in a way that a job cannot do. Encouragement and exhortation are needed, but you don't get that from planning lesson plans or researching reading methods and grammar quizzes. Friends can be longer term than most jobs.  My friends that know me the best have been my friends since Summer of 1998. It's been a great many years.  We built our foundation in high school and continued loving each other through college years and the beginning of careers and families. We're still close, but distance and life status changes have affected us greatly.  Should that make them less of a priority to me?  I don't think so.  I have decided to use their importance to help me make big decisions.  Is their friendship to me more important that financial security?  Yes.  So how does that affect my decisions?  It means I will spend $1000 getting to a wedding and spending quality time when we are all in the same town for a bit.

Church involvement is important because it affects the health of Christian fellowship, so I am making decisions to be purposely involved with my church family here.  This has been the cause of why I have a few more friends within the church than I had last year. For this, I am thankful.

Physical Fitness is important, which is why I am trying to be committed to going to the gym 8 or more times per month.  I don't know if I have lost any extra weight yet, or toned any more muscles, but I am trying.  Yes, people may say, you don't need to lose weight...what they don't know is how much weight I have gained because of snacking, eating unhealthily, and not exercising enough.  Mostly it's been caused by junk food stress eating - DANGEROUS!!!  My body used to be able to handle it, but I have grown up and I no longer have a teenager's metabolism.

So, life changes.  I'm 25 and I'm okay with that.  I have adjusted to realizing that life isn't going the way I always thought it would, but it is going well and I am happy with where I am at.  There never will be a time when I am at peace with everyone around me or living a life without stresses, but I look forward to the days here and there when I am perfectly content with my life.  When I have made decisions based on my priorities and those priorities reflect a life lived for Christ.

Right now - I am so happy that I will be flying home in October for just over a week of vacation, a wedding, and times with friends that mean so much to me. 

Right now - I need to take time for God, read His Word, and let it change my life, meditate on it, think about it, and change how I live so I can glorify Him.

Right now - I need to research how best to do my job and not give it half of my heart.

Right now - I should do some crunches to work on my little belly.

Right now...

in hong kong

I misread my fligh itinerary and realized when I asked for my flight's gate number that they don't have it yet.  My fligth doesn't leave until tomorrow!!!  Thankfully, I found a spot with comfy chairs and plan on residing there for the next several hours to fight off the effect of jetlag upon arrival in Bangkok!

I made it here safely and comfortably.  The JFK cirport was kinda confusing, all you ever need to do is ask questions.  I am sure they have all kinds of international fliers asking all kinds of questions all the time!

Well, I m going to head to "bed"  haha

nite all!

Ruth

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